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January 17, 2003
Enlightenment, Embarrassment, & Perspective
OR: That's not really a country!
Yesterday afternoon, I was sitting at Teaism doing some trial prep when an attractive blonde came in and sat down a few tables away. I glanced over and then got back to work. A minute or so later, this guy comes over and starts chatting her up. She's got some kind of sexy Euro accent, so I eavesdrop a little.
Tool: Where are you from?
DutchGirl: The Netherlands.
Tool: That's not really a country though, right?
DG:
Tool: That's just a name for a group of three countries.
I'm thinking to myself, this Tool is referring to Scandinavia. Too bad not all attractive blonde girls are from the same place.
DG: You mean with Belgium and Luxembourg? The Netherlands is a country though. It's also called Holland.
Tool: Oh. Hehe.
He misses the Benelux reference and still has no clue what she's talking about. Somehow the conversation gets on the subject of food. She is filled with media-driven misconceptions about Americans and American food. He does little to fix that. In fact, he says outright that there is no such thing as traditional American food. (He obviously isn't extremely knowledgeable on ths subject, but that's forgivable). It continues.
DG: In the Netherlands, we eat a lot of cheese. And the cheese is so good there. My parents were just here to visit since two weeks. They brought two big pieces of cheese. [gestures to show the pieces of cheese were in fact quite formiddable] Already they are gone.
Tool: That's not good for you.
DG: Why do you say that?
Tool: [incredulous/derogatory tone]: I mean, you can't just eat cheese. That's really unhealthy. You can't just eat a lot of cheese.
I'm thinking: Yes, it's true. This Man Has No Game. She's hardly even looking at him as they talk. But for [lawyerism] the fact that he is right in her face, I don't think she'd be paying attention at all. I have more game than this guy. To his credit, he's talking to her and I'm sitting there doing schoolwork and eavesdropping. Regardless, you don't tell a good looking woman (or any stranger, for that matter) that her diet makes people fat, which is what he essentially ended up doing.
From diet, we return to geography:
DG: I go to school in [Dutch city], which is near the Hague.
Tool: Oh, yeah. That's near Copenhagen, right?
DG: Copenhagen is in Denmark. I live in the Netherlands.
While this is going on, the Teaism staff is setting up the little buffet they put out for happy hour on Thursdays and Fridays. When the food is ready, he asks if she wants some. She says she is waiting for the two friends she is supposed to meet. So he stands there looking dumb, for a minute, then goes and gets food. He sits back down and, ignoring the , starts in on her again. He's got some Thai Chicken Curry, and Thai is just another version of Chinese in his world, so he brings up the popular American myth that you will be hungry again an hour after eating Chinese food.
Tool: I'm always hungry again two hours after eating Chinese food.
DG: Why?
Tool: You know, because it's Chinese food. And you get hungry again after you eat it.
DG: Why? I get full.
Tool: It's Chinese food, though, so you'll be hungry again in two hours, right?
DG: I always get full when I eat it.
Tool: It must be all the vegetables.
DG: But vegetables are filling too.
Tool: No... it must be the vegetables. It's because they don't have any calories. Chinese food doesn't have much calories, so you get hungry again later.
Ad nauseum. Apparently, the Dutch didn't get the memo on that issue.
I wanted so badly to walk over and say something like, "The Netherlands. You know, Holland!? Please, miss, I'm sorry. We're not all that ignorant. Van Gogh. Rembrandt. Sunflowers. Windmills. Anne Frank. The Glorious Revlution. I've heard of your country and can find it on a map. I've been there. Hello moron... Your average American college kid knows the minimum: Amsterdam. Red light district. Hash bars. Pulp fucking Fiction!
It was shameful. He was embarrassing Americans and men everywhere. But in my own very smug way, it reminded me that things aren't all that bad for me.
Posted by buddha at January 17, 2003 01:33 PM
Comments
I'm perpetually embarassed by myself and my fellow countrymen.
Buddha, you, my friend, are on a blogging rampage. I love it!
Posted by: Shoop at January 17, 2003 10:52 PM
So what, then, is traditional american food? The closest I can come up with would be stuffing and pumpkin pie. Maybe corn bread. And oh yeah, let's not forget BBQ.
What else?
Posted by: Anonymous at January 17, 2003 11:19 PM
The brits made fun of me for liking pumpkin pie, so obviously it must be quintessentially American. Or a euphemism for something perverted. Not sure.
Posted by: shoop at January 18, 2003 11:10 PM
Depends on how you define "American". But...
Baked potatoes. Corn on the cob and creamed corn. Indian pudding and grits. Pizza (in our sense of the word). Chop suey and chow mein. Chowder. Burgoo. Donuts. Fried chicken. Succotash. Burritos. Strawberry shortcake. Lox. Pastrami on rye. Reubens. Chicken pot pie. Gumbo. Jambalaya. Oysters Rockefeller. Avocados. Stuffed peppers. Turkey. Johnnycakes. Biscuits (in our sense of the word). Hot dogs. Hamburgers. Peanut butter. Scrapple. Cioppino. Lima beans. Fruit cobblers and crisps. Wild rice. Maple syrup and sugar. That soft kind of persimmon. Cranberries. Fudge. Key lime pie. Macadamia nuts. Pecan pie. Potato chips. Baked beans. Cheesecake. Caesar salad. Brunswick stew. Catfish. Peanuts. Chili (in our sense of the word). Bagels. Buffalo wings. Ranch dressing. Chocolate chip cookies. Breakfast cereal. Eggs Benedict.
Let me know if you need more. :-)
Posted by: Troutgirl at January 20, 2003 03:47 PM
Troutgirl's list is pretty solid. In particular, I think of chowder (traditional New England fare -- not just clam chowder either), Cajun food, NY Deli, and BBQ as prime examples of American food. Keep in mind the size of the country. Fast food aside, there is no single national dish, but I think American regional cuisines are comparable in tradition and local importance to those of European nations.
Posted by: buddha at January 21, 2003 12:39 AM
This last about the lack of a regional dish is perhaps what confused me about the issue. There really isn't one or even a style that can be applied accross the country.
But what is "burgoo"
Posted by: Anonymous at January 22, 2003 10:41 AM
It's a regional specialty from Kentucky, eaten with their mutton BBQ. Basically stew with lima beans, corn, potatoes, tomatoes, and sometimes okra plus meat. Traditionally must include possum meat. All of those ingredients are indigenous to America, except maybe okra which I think came over with the slaves, so it's a peculiarly "American" food.
Turns out cuisine is a lot more regional in most European countries than we think. For instance, Waverley Root's classic The Food of France delineates three major zones based on the main fat used in cooking: butter, olive oil, and goose fat. If you're interested, I can also enthusiastically recommend his book Eating in America which makes clear how various waves of immigration overlapped each other without wiping out previous foodways. Also a good little review of American history based around a subject of great intrinsic interest to all!
Posted by: Troutgirl at January 22, 2003 01:42 PM
Again, Troutgirl has the facts. Like French cuisine, Italian is highly specialized by region and, also like French cuisine, often divided based on the prevalence of butter or olive oil. Geography and indigenous ingredients play a central role. Paella is the Spanish dish in the minds of most Americans (or at least, those who can distinguish between Spain and Mexico), yet it's not particularly popular away from the coast. Gazpacho is a southern specialty, not something found in Barcelona. No doubt the same is true in other countries.
This variety gets run through the American cultural-ADD filter to create "French" and "Italian" restaurants. There has been some progress in this area recently, however, with restaurants specializing in the food of one region or another.
Maybe there is no such thing as "American food" in the sense that there is no single dish. However, there is no "Eurpoean food" either. Yet few people dismiss the regional (national) cuisines of Europe -- English food excepted of course -- based on this lack of a single continental tradition. Why, then, do so many people think that because we have no uniting dish beyond burgers that Americans have no cuisine of our own to offer the world?
Posted by: buddha at January 22, 2003 04:22 PM